Beginning your journey into the ‘Lifestyle’

Beginning your journey into the ‘Lifestyle’


The very first thing that one should do is be VERY REALISTIC with yourself and any partner(s).

One thing you need to understand and keep in mind is… “Wherever there are humans, there are always the same positives and negatives as anywhere else”.  Do not expect anything less or more.

The next thing to understand and realize is there are ‘No Have-to’s” in this community.  There are many ‘Shoulds and Coulds’.  This really doesn’t need any explanation.

Another thing to think about, “really, think about” is that you simply CANNOT imagine, assume or conclude what to expect by getting involved. The ONLY WAY you will ever truly understand is by experiencing the vast variety of settings within this community.  No matter what anyone tells you, what you’ve seen on TV or Movies or word-of-mouth, forget all of that, each of us perceive and experience things differently.

Go to as many different lifestyle places you can and see the many varied venues and settings.  Don’t get caught up in others opinions and referrals, everyone enjoys different things and you’ll only limit yourself by listening to various bias.

Don’t assume or conclude groups of people are ‘cliques’ or ‘snooty’, friends and good acquaintances will always gravitate to one another.  However, ‘cliques’ do exist and there is nothing wrong with it other than negative judgement about them, just move-on, you’ll find your groove.  Reach out to people, start a normal conversation and don’t be a wallflower expecting that to work out.

There is no room for dwelling on or focusing on negativity, drama is generally always ostracized.

Go into this journey carefully, objectively, fairly and with zero expectations, but high hopes are great.  Just make sure to separate hopes from expectations, ALWAYS!

If you cannot get your emotions or any insecurities in check, this is not the path for you.  And, do not entice or pressure a partner into it because it’s something you want, that ends badly everytime.

There truly has been and still is a real etiquette involved in this community, regardless that some chose not to adhere to it or aren’t aware of it.  Most of the etiquette is the same common-sense approach one should have in public or any place where one uses the utmost respect and tact.

Over the course of almost four decades in the lifestyle there has been multitudes of ‘lifestyle coaches’, ‘advice-givers’ and ‘philosophers’ both pro and con.  Don’t be swayed one way or another, make up your own mind.  Again, we all experience things differently.

The main point, NOT the whole point of the open minded sex / sexuality community is to experience things that aren’t likely in a common relationship.  Examples would obviously be threesomes, foursomes and moresomes.  There are many, many more circumstances we don’t need to list.  However, BIG HOWEVER… just because someone is involved in this community doesn’t mean that they have any sex with anyone else but their partner.  Some are only here for the fun environment.

The majority of those involved love to jest and enjoy the light-hearted nature of the community.  You will be enamored with many of the others involved and friendships of EVERY TYPE will evolve.  Everything from the fun ‘Hit-it ‘n’ Quit-it’ to the Life-long Backyard Bar-be-que ‘n’ Bridesmaid/Best man friendships.  Like any other relationships in life either of each type of relationship can fade or improve.

Playing safely and respectfully isn’t just limited to condoms and birth control, it also means ALWAYS COMMUNICATE at all times.  Anything less will alter your circumstances, quickly, drastically and most likely permanently.

There sometimes seems to be a real disconnect between decency, common-sense and good values when one’s genitalia becomes involved in interrupting the grey-matter, DON’T DISCONNECT!

Always be truthful to and respectful of your significant other.  A simple formula to follow is:

‘No + No = NO’

‘No + Yes = NO’

‘Yes + Yes = YES’

Simple, right?  You would think so, but we’ve seen the lack of understanding this very simple formula screw things up BIG TIME, time and time again.  Do the math…