These Lifestyle People, Are Our People…

“These are our people. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my entire life right now.”

I remember saying that sentence after our first full swap on the way home from the couple’s house. It was January 2021, COVID was still at its height, mask mandates had not been lifted yet, and in Ohio, we even had a curfew to abide by. My partner and boyfriend at the time (now fiancé) and I had spent years searching for the right situation for us. At first, we thought we wanted threesomes. Then we thought about opening up our relationship — but with no clear boundaries or education, we didn’t know where to start.

Then we talked about polyamory, as it was just starting to be talked about on social media at the time. As time went on, we grew tired of the dead-end online dating cycle. We decided the next step was to go to a Poly Social club and see what the lifestyle was all about.

In the weeks leading up to our visit to the local Poly Social club, we spent hours talking about boundaries, goals, and even came up with a safe word. We had no idea what to expect, so we went in with no expectations.

Our first night there, it was a freezing cold day in January. In true Brad and Kiley fashion, we showed up at the club at 5:00 on the dot, and we were the first couple there. We received a tour of the club, asked questions, and then, for two hours, we sat in the corner looking around nervously.

Finally, the bartender (bless her soul) came up to us and said, “Hey, if you want to meet people, you actually have to go and talk to them.” So we decided to walk up to a few groups and chat. One thing led to another, and of course, one drink turned into three, turned into five. At the end of the night, I somehow ended up in an eight-woman orgy with 100 people watching me while Brad stood there tugging on his mildly erect penis (we didn’t know performance anxiety was a thing).

After that, we went to a theouple (yes, theouple) that we met’s house — and that’s where we had our first full swap, which we said we weren’t going to do. We had planned on only watching or soft swapping, but in the heat of the moment, we decided to full swap. I remember the feeling when my partner first slid himself into another woman. He looked at me with his piercing blue eyes, nodded his head, and smiled. Something inside me felt right — it just felt normal. It felt like I was finally free to be myself.

I remember driving home from their house and Brad said, “What did you think?” I was extremely giddy, and I said, “These are my people! This is my life! I have finally found myself.”

I was so incredibly excited that the very next day I decided to post a TikTok about my bliss. It immediately got thousands of views and gained a ton of traction. I knew that people were growing curious about the lifestyle and were asking questions. People were interested in what I had to say and what I had to share.

Within a few months, I had a video go viral. In one day, the video got over two million views — most of which were “Karens” telling me I was going to hell for being a Poly Social member, or obnoxious men saying, “No wonder your BF wants other women — you’re so fat and ugly, who would want you?”

Most people would let that break them down, but it actually gave me strength to do what I knew I needed to do — and that was to change my life, change my habits, and finally lose weight. Over the course of this year, I have lost 130 lbs. I went from bartender to stripper/model. I decided to start living out my dreams and live to my highest potential.

The lifestyle gave me the confidence and support to succeed in my journey. I’ve met my best friends through Poly Social, and I’ve even played a huge role in creating one of the largest growing communities of online Poly Social participants called The Swinger Society. I think now more than ever our community is needed — not just to educate but to show people that we aren’t just some weirdos masturbating in the corner. We are moms, we are teachers, we are nurses, we are doctors, we are coaches — we are members of communities who just happen to like a bit of kinky sex.

In my almost two-year journey in the lifestyle, have I had my share of ups and downs? Absolutely. But I feel as though Brad and I have such a strong foundation — based on trust and communication — that we will always succeed in this lifestyle. Brad is my partner in life, he’s my best friend, he might even be my soulmate, if you believe in that sort of thing.

The bliss we have found through this lifestyle has been so beautiful. That’s why I not only put my name and face out there to help those with questions about the lifestyle — my goal is to be an advocate for it and work with more advocacy groups. Most people don’t realize there are so many resources out there for Poly Social participants who are facing legal trouble or who just want to learn more about the lifestyle.

Groups like the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom and The Committee on Consensual Non-Monogamy are both great resources for our community that we don’t talk about enough. People don’t realize there are ways to stay protected and discreetly get STD tested. As a millennial in my 30s, I take my sexual health and sexual freedoms very seriously.

All I’ve ever wanted in my life was to make a difference in the world. To me, Poly Social and the Poly Social community is my world. My goal is to help people live their absolute best life — just like I’m living mine.

I want people to be able to say proudly, “I’m a Poly Social participant.” I want people not to be afraid of losing custody of their children or losing their job if they’re found out to be in the lifestyle. The days of hiding in the shadows of underground sex clubs are over. I want to bring lifestyle events to the masses — and educate the masses about what this lifestyle really is.

I also want to find a way to create a more progressive community within the lifestyle. For a community that’s so sex-positive, why aren’t we more inclusive of all genders and sexual orientations?

We are the new age of Poly Social. The 21–40-year-olds make up a large portion of the lifestyle community and can bring a new attitude and fresh energy. I want to be at the forefront of creating change and being an advocate for those who don’t have a voice — because they can’t have a voice.

If someone calls my manager and tells him I’m part of Poly Social, he’s going to laugh and say, “We know — she never shuts up about it. The couples like her, though.” And that’ll be that.

I am blessed enough to be able to share my life and sexual freedoms with all of you, and I hope to someday live in a world where we can all just be ourselves — and live our best upside-down pineapple life. The sky’s the limit for this community.